The following is a backup copy in case wikiquote breaks down

Ed: "Can I think?"
Edd and Eddy: "NO!"

Eddy: "Haa Haa Haa Haa HAAAHAAA!"
Ed: "Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! WHOOPS!"

Ed: "I gotta stop her, guys!"

Ed: "Okay, my turn to spin!"
(Sound effects) Donkey braying, followed by "Achigga chigga chigga jigga! Achigga chigga chigga jigga!"
Ed: "Eddy? Truth or Dare!"
Eddy: "Okay, 'dare,' Ed."
Ed: "Okay, I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and spelunk like a zombie while whistling 'Row, row, row your boat' through a car wash!
(Music dies.)

Ed: "Napkin please!"

Ed: "Slide on the soap!" (multiple times)

Ed: "I am CAN OPENER MAN!!"
Eddy: "What the...?"
Edd: "Please, Ed, calm down."
Ed: "No, no, wait!"
Eddy: "Gimme the stupid can opener, Ed!"
Ed: "I AM TISSUE HEAD!!!"
Edd: "We've lost him, Eddy."

I WILL BLOW YOUR NOSE![edit]

Edd and Eddy: "Ed, stop!"
Ed: "No, no, wait! I AM BED BUDDY!!!"

SLEEP ON ME!!![edit]

Edd and Eddy: "Ed!"

Ed (as Eddy): "I will help if I give you a quarter, Rolfy Boy!"

Ed (as Eddy to Edd as Ed): "Wake up, monobrow!"

Ed (as Eddy to Edd as Ed): "Yeah right lumpy! Parched as a fish, HAHAHA!"

Ed (as Eddy): "I've caused discomfort, 'cause I'm Eddy! HAHAHAHA!"

Ed: "AAAAAAH...Hiya, guys!"
Sarah: "MOM SAID, NO PARTIES UNLESS I'M INVITED!!!"

Edd: "Ed, where did you exhume this from?"
Ed: "Brick a brack from under my bed, Double-D." (silence)
Edd: "Ed, do you know there's a turtle on your head?"
Ed: "Yup!"

Ed (reading from Edd's Q-Cards): "Sit down and say, 'Hello, Jonny!'"

Ed: "Oh yeah, who wants a jumbo candy cane?"
Kevin: "It's July, bonehead!"
Ed: "And a partridge in a pear?"
(SFX) Pwoingg! CRASH!
Eddy: "What can I tell ya?"

Ed: "Whack me!" (4 times)
Eddy: "Hold still, lumpy, so I can hit ya!"

Ed (∞tively): "Pink belly!"

SLAP![edit]

Ed: "Oh, I got an inkling!"
(music) Boing! Ba-ba-boing!
(donkey Bottom from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" sounds)
(the Eds appear inside a fake Jonny's head.)
Kevin: "Hey, Jonny!"
All of the Eds: "WHOA!!" *CRASH!*
Kevin: "What a freak."
(SFX) Laughter.

The following quotes are the closing dialogue from an episode that has to do with female company.
Ed (without pants): "Spending an extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing!"
Eddy: "What's up with YOU?"
Edd: "Ed's trouserless state seems to have spurred an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain."
Eddy: "Ed? Is that you?"
Ed: "Hug me!"
Eddy: "Well, that didn't last long."
Ed: "HUG!!!"
Eddy: "ED!"
(SFX) Puppy dog sounds.
Ed: "Double-D, my friend!"
Edd: "Please, Ed. ED, NO! WAIT!! EDDY!!!"
Ed: (hysterically laughs in a good way) "Hug guys!"
Edd: "Ed, you're in your underwear!"
Ed: "Okay, I feel light now."
(SFX) Puppy dog sound.

Ed: "Oh no! Spot is lost! Say it ain't so, Eddy!"

Ed: "Here Spot! Come on, boy!" (whistling)

Ed: "Spot's by the creek, Eddy! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Ed: "Hello Ed!"

Ed: "Oink, oink, oink!" (silence) "Oink, oink, oink!"
(Ed sticks out his tongue.)
(SFX) Kyohweesht! Kyohweesht! Kyohweesht!
Ed: "Ha ha haa! I am a LIZARD!! Oink, oink, oink!"

Ed: "Ha ha haa! Look at me! Giddyap, Utetthorn!"

The following quotes are the closing dialogue for "Hot Buttered Ed".
Ed: "I am a lizard! I've changed colors! I have become...CHAMELEON MAN!!! AAAH! Oink!"
Edd: "Stay back...YOWCHH!"
Ed: "Oink."
Edd: "YOWCH! Eddy, make him stop!"
Eddy: "Cut it out."
Ed: "Oink!"
Eddy: "OW!"
Ed: "You can be my sidekick, FROG MOUTH KID!!! And Double-D is our butler!! Um... DOUBLE-D!! Oink!"
Edd and Eddy: "OUCH!!"
Ed: "Oink."
Edd and Eddy: "Ouch!"
Ed: "Oink!"
Edd and Eddy: "OUCH!!"
Ed: "Ha ha ha haa!! Oink, oink."
Eddy: "GRRRR!"
Ed: "Oink, oink."

All of the Eds (singing): "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Give us cash or we'll never stop singing, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!"

Edd and Eddy (singing): "Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jimmy to our day!"
(Ed falls from the top of Kevin's house.)
Ed: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(SFX) CRASH!!!
(Edd and Eddy laugh, as does Nazz.)
Eddy (still singing): "We made you laugh so give up your cash, the cheer will come your way!"
(SFX) Ding Ding Ding Ding!
Eddy: "Bingo!"

Ed: "GIVE 'EM WHAT THEY WANT...can openers! My mom LOVES can openers! Hahaha!"
(SFX) CRASH! (donkey Bottom from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" sounds)
Ed: "Are moms girls?"

Ed: "I found my sensitive side 'cause it has a rash!"
Eddy: "OHHHH!"
Edd: "Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed."

Ed: "Sarah likes to watch me eat yoghurt from my belly button!"
(SFX) Ed: "Haha! Hahahaha! He!"

Jimmy: "Jumping jackrabbits! Look at those stubborn grass stains! Better use some club soda on those clothes, it's the only way to get them clean."

Jimmy (SFX): "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Jimmy: "Yuck! You smell like cheap shampoo. I'm tearing!"

Eddy: "It's the pants!" (silence)
Edd: "Pants, Eddy?"
Eddy: "chicks dig pants. Nazz wears pants, Sarah wears pants..."
Edd: "You wear pants!"
Eddy: "I wear pants!"
(Edd laughs.)
Edd: "Pay attention, Eddy. Soft, clean and fresh it is!"
Eddy: "I hate it when he does that."
Ed (SFX):

QUACK!![edit]

Ed: "BUG!!! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
(SFX) (whistling)
Jimmy: "Oh no...AAAH!!"
(Nazz laughs continuously.)
Eddy: "Don't think she went for it."
Sarah: "GRRRRRRRRRRR! ED!!!!! YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!! I'M TELLING A..."

Ed: "BURP! Gravy!"

Ed: "MONSTER! I want to be a MONSTER!!!"
(SFX) CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!
Ed: "Look at me!"
(SFX) (horse neighing)
Ed: "I AM A MONSTER!!! RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! REERAWR! I am just a monster in a boy's body."

Ed: "Flaky! Hahahahaa! Hohoho!"
Kevin: "Get off the roof ya...!"

All of the Eds (singing): "We wish you a merry Christmas, we..."
Ed (still singing): "...wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash!"
Wilfred: "Oink."
(SFX) Ka-CHING!!
Rolf: "No cash, a fine strip of bacon, yes!"

Ed: "I think I hit a pipe!"

Eddy: "Fire, Double-D!"
Ed: "Did I go?"
Edd: "Don't look at me. I already live with enough guilt."
(Eddy pants extremely hard winding up the mechanism.)
Eddy: "Pop Goes the Weasel!"

Ed: "Shush!! My yeast is rising!"

Eddy: "You're natural, Ed. You should've been born a monster."
(SFX) Extreme gasping by Ed, imitating monster sounds.
Eddy: "Man, what's he doing? Making a mirror?"
Ed:

AHAHAHAHAA![edit]

Eddy: "What's with you?"
Ed: "I AM A MONSTER!!! RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
(SFX) A woman screams: Bolian! Regarn!, CRASH!

Ed:

MEATBALL![edit]

Jimmy: "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! MOTHER NATURE'S ATTACKING AGAIN!!!"

Ed: "Fools! As it is my turn to ride the buttball, look up my nose and see your future!"

(SFX) (Car engine starting sounds.)
Edd and Eddy: [Gasp!]
Ed: "Can I build a birdhouse with this stuff?"
Edd: "Ed, where did you avisserate that heat radiator from?"
Ed: "There!"
Edd: "Oh dear! Quick, do something! SHUT IT OFF!!"
Ed (while Eddy is dragging a heavy radiator): "Boy, it is hot in here. Are you hot, Eddy? Sweat is trickling down my neck!"
Eddy: "WHOA!" [Crash!]

Ed: "Here, Eddy! Lots of hurt! Hold the onions!"
Edd: "OK! FINE! I'M A CHICKEN!"
Eddy: "Um, Ed?"

CRASH![edit]

(Music)
Edd: "Eddy? Can you hear me, Eddy? GURNNNN! ED! What in heaven's name were you thinking!?"
Ed: "Absolutely nothing, Double-D."

(Ed laughs to the right while in a giant hamster wheel)
Edd: "This is so embarrassing!"
(Ed continues to laugh): AHHAHAHAHAHHA! AHA! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OOF! (Squeaking) (Pop!) HMMMMMMM!

Ed (as Eddy): "Let's sell the squash for cash! Gasp! CHICKEN! Pet the chicken, pet the chicken! (Silence) This stupid bird stole my quarter, flew away with it, stupid."

Ed: "I smell waffles, guys!"
Eddy: "SHUT UP, ED!!"
Ed: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Eddy: "Looks like you've got competition, Ed."
Edd: "For decades, we parade the cake every CHRISTMAS!"
(Ed Gasps)
Ed rewinds Edd: "!SAMTSIRHC yreve ekac eht edarap ew, sedaced rof"
Edd: "For decades, we parade the cake every CHRISTMAS!"
Ed rewinds Edd: "!SAMTSIRHC yreve"
Edd: "every CHRISTMAS!"
Ed:

"CHRISTMAS, EDDY![edit]

I want that flying saucer, pen and pencil set, 4 egg rolls, a subscription to "Chunky puff quarterly", A box of band aids, A big bolt, and... um..."

Ed: "That's 'cause Santa knows you are a naughty little boy, Eddy!"

Ed: "AT MY HOUSE!"

Ed: "The patient has suffered a Penelope to his headest, sorest area, as well as a major gush from the..."
(SFX) (record scratch)
(Music) (Boing boing boing!)
Ed: "His Goliath... upper... tube-veiny thing!"

Ed: "Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a blood-curdling scream grabbed Eddy and his drilling groundchuck. GASP! Agua! Awwwg! Agwa! Agwa!"

Ed: "I GOT HIM, DOUBLE-D! I GOT HIM!"
Ed (SFX): "Obalope! AAAAAAAH!"
...
Ed:

I GOT HIM, DOUBLE-D! I GOT HIM! HAHAHAHAHAHA![edit]

Eddy:

EEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD![edit]

Ed: "I think it's broken, guys."

Ed: "DON'T EVER SAY THAT, EDDY!!!"
Ed (SFX): "Ahaha!"
Ed: "Santa is making his list and checking it twice."
Eddy (SFX): "HOAAHOOH EHHOOH!"

Ed: "Oh, I make a game out of mine, Eddy, 'cause I'm productive! YOU CAN PLAY CONNECT THE DOTS!! See? It's a boat."

Eddy: "AAAAAAAH!"
Ed (SFX): "Aweeweeweeweeweesht!"

(Chicken SFX): "Bokbokbokbokbok!"
Edd: "ED!!!"
Ed: "Eh? I LOVE CHICKENS, DOUBLE-D!"
(Eddy laughs.)
Edd: "Yes, we know, Ed."

Ed:

RIGHT OVER ON THE X, DOUBLE-D!!![edit]

Ed (SFX): "Hahahahahaha!"

Ed: "Now, paint this like an Aztec temple!"

CRASH![edit]

Ed: "My scam!" (4x)

Ed: "Uhh...A, B, C, D, L, M, N, O, G! Don't you know your alphabet, Double-D?"

Ed (SFX): "BOING!"
Ed: "LUNCH BREAK!!!"
(donkey Bottom from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" sounds)

Ed (from left to right): "Alley-OOP!"
(SFX) "CRASH!"
Edd (also from left to right): "Gracious!"
(SFX) "CRASH!"
Eddy: (final left to right): "GERONIMO!"
(SFX) "CRASH!" followed by goat sounds
Eddy: =BEHOLD THE GATES OF FREEDOM!!!!= "After me..."

Ed: "Yup! Did you get him, Eddy?!"

Ed: "I claim this planet in the name of Ed, Bringer of Bacon!!"

Ed: "Wigs scare me, Double-D."

Ed: "I forgot to wear underwear, guys."

Ed: "HE'S LIKE A BAD ITCH, EDDY!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! GET HIM OFF! HE IS ANNOYING MY HEAD!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Ed: "I DID A FOUR SPLASHER, A NEW SPLISH-SPLASH RECORD!"

Ed: "Like Walnuts?"

Ed: "The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double-D"
(SFX): Sunscreen being poured out
Edd: "Was that Jonny's sunscreen?"

Ed (Dressed in an octopus suit): "HAHAHAHAHA! I am a Edapus! 'cause I'm Ed!"

Ed: "I am Edapus 'cause I am a..."

Ed: "Well, That's a keeper!"
Edd and Eddy: "NO, ED!"
Ed: "Uhnugh! WHOA!"
Edd and Eddy: "WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!"
All: "UMPH!"
(SFX): Cat cries
Ed: "Who brought the tartar sauce?"

Ed: "I think Sarah likes you, Eddy!"

Ed: "Allow me, Double-D! Ed's going fishing!"
(SFX): Turkey Sound
(SFX): Various Noises: CHOMPRERPREEEESHT! CRASH! EEEEEW! CRASH!
Edd: "Um, Ed."
(SFX): Various Noises: CHUMP! CRASH! VEVEFVEVEVEVEVEVET! CRASH!
Ed: "Here we go! It's a WHOPPER DOUBLE-D!"

Eddy: "Hmm... gee, Ed. Is it a..."
(SFX): Goat sound
Eddy: "HAND?"

Eddy: "DOUBLE-D! LET ME POKE YOUR BRAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
(Edd faints)

Ed: Plural Pronouns!
(SFX): Clownish bike horn
(SFX): A spring breaking
Edd: "Oh Dear!"
Ed: "Giddyup!"
Eddy: "WHOA!"

Jimmy (Floating on the flooded cul-de-sac): "My tummy's cramping, I'm so hungry, I even ate processed cheese!"